My Holland, Author at EQuest Asia

Introverts Can Be Excellent Leaders

Emotional Intelligence, Positive Psychology / My Holland

When we think of leaders, we picture them as outgoing, charming, and friendly. But did you know that introverts can be excellent leaders? Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk are a few examples. I’ll bet you thought these world-renowned individuals were not. Try searching the web for the top qualities of great leaders. You’ll find trustworthiness, integrity, and empathy, among others. I haven’t seen a list that included charismatic or extroverted, though these may get politicians the votes to win an election. But, there’s no guarantee they’ll perform well as leaders. So, why we think introverts can become great leaders? Here are some facts about them you might not be aware of: They’re not shy. We often assume introverts are shy but, most of them aren’t. They spend time deep in thought, so they sometimes avoid others. But they aren’t uncomfortable when they’re in a crowd. Maybe they choose to be quiet. They’re not detached. Yes, introverts can be loners. Albert Einstein was considered one. He loved his solitude and spent much time in silent reflection. Einstein had a family, so he wasn’t living alone. Being a loner isn’t necessarily bad. It doesn’t mean aloofness. Humans are social beings, but we need that time alone to recharge. Everybody needs that break away from everything. They’re secure people. Both extroverts and introverts can be insecure. Are you familiar with Johnny Carson? He is known as the “King of Late Night.” He exuded confidence and poise on television. But later on, he admitted he had insecurities in an interview. Introverts can have high self-esteem. People think they’re silent because they lack self-confidence. They’re not indecisive. You can say this about extroverts too. Introverts spend time weighing all options before making a decision. They don’t decide on impulse. Where would Microsoft or Facebook be now if Gates or Zuckerberg were indecisive? These companies wouldn’t be at the top. They are intelligent. It’s a mistake to assume talkative people are smart. Many think introverts are quiet because they have nothing to share. But sometimes, the people who talk more are those who know the least about a subject. Next time you’re in a discussion, ask the quiet ones for their opinions. You’ll be surprised to discover they’re brighter than others. They aren’t afraid of speaking before a crowd. Some of the best public speakers are introverts and they spend enough time preparing their speeches. President Obama and Mahatma Gandhi are great examples. Conversely, I’ve seen extroverts freeze onstage. It’s the fear of being judged that can cause stage fright. All share that. So, when you meet an introvert, don’t stereotype. On the flip side, if you’re an introvert, keep your chin up. You’re in good company! I am an introvert and you?

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Be the Boss Who Listens More

Awareness, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Workplace Culture / My Holland

I’m sure you’ve been in situations where your boss talked endlessly, not giving you space to ask questions or offer suggestions. A supposed dialogue usually turned out to be a monologue. Maybe, you’re also unaware you’ve monopolized conversations with others. Instead of having a chat, you might be giving a speech. Do you ever notice this happening? If you believe you are often loquacious, you can temper the habit by understanding why. These are the reasons why people talk too much. They’re obsessive. They want to cover every small detail and micromanage everything. Some leaders want to re-affirm they’re in charge. They’re unaware that they talk too much. Nobody has called their attention to their verboseness. They’re aware, but they get carried away. They forget to press their internal pause button. They’re vain and believe they know all the answers. They’re unprepared and often say anything that comes to mind. You might have your own reasons why you tend to over-communicate. Leaders with high emotional intelligence have enough courage to admit their flaws and shortcomings. Once aware, they immediately correct themselves. However, it doesn’t end with talking less. It continues by listening more. Some claim that listening is a lost art. The digital age has changed behavior, including our ability to listen. According to Statista, time spent on social media increased every year. The worldwide average in 2019 is 2 hours and 24 minutes. Does this mean we are better listeners? The answer is no. Social media has given everyone a voice, but it made us talk more and listen less. It’s time to bring back two-way communication. Your success as a leader depends on how well you listen to your colleagues. Bosses who fail to listen often find themselves out the door. No one, including you, is expected to know everything. When you encourage feedback, you gain new ideas and valuable insight. “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know; but when you listen, you learn something new.” – The Dalai Lama Get into the habit of listening. It’s going to take a lot of effort if you wish to become a better listener. It’s bad enough to only retain 50% of what was said right after we hear it. This is compounded by what many call internal noise. We may be listening, but our attention isn’t 100% because our minds are focused on other things. This happens to everyone. However, with enough determination and by adopting the tips below, you can improve your listening skills. Shut out all distractions. When you are in a meeting or talking with just one person, pocket your smartphone or close your laptop’s lid. If you’re writing, put your pen down. Clear your mind and focus on the person who is talking. You might say this is easier said than done. Honestly, all it takes is a conscious effort to be attentive. Assign time for meetings. Dedicate the exact hour of the day when you need to talk to your colleagues or subordinates. Prepare what topics need to be discussed. Scheduling also means picking a convenient time for your employees. They may be busy too with their own responsibilities. Ask for comments. The best way is to address each person attending your meeting when asking for feedback. This will show you value their input. Make sure you’re taking notes of what they’re saying. Be mindful of others’ gestures. The body language of people speaks more than what they say. Remind yourself when it’s your turn to listen. When someone’s talking, tell yourself to listen. Remember, you’re surrounded by employees who may know better than you. Smart bosses recognize that two-way communication contributes to the success of an organization. They’re aware they don’t have a monopoly on the best ideas. Above all, they talk, listen, learn and reflect. When you do the same, you’re on your way to becoming a better boss.

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Why You Should Give Meditation a Second Look

Emotional Intelligence, Mindfulness / My Holland

It doesn’t sound like fun for many people. Nor is it the kind of relaxing activity we might indulge in. Maybe, images of people in a lotus position practicing an Indian or Buddhist discipline came to mind when you saw this article’s title. You might be thinking of Yoga, which is not the same as meditation. However, the latter is part of the former. According to Wikipedia, meditation is: “…a practice where an individual uses a technique – such as mindfulness, or focusing the mind on a particular object, thought, or activity – to train attention and awareness, and achieve a mentally clear and emotionally calm and stable state.” So, what’s the big deal about mediation? Benefits of Meditation According to research by neuroscientist Sara Lazar, people who practiced mindfulness meditation had more grey matter in their brains’ frontal cortex. This is responsible for decision-making, personality expression, and controlling social behavior. The frontal cortex also mobilizes thoughts and actions in goal pursuits. In another study by the Dept. of Neurology of UCLA, meditation helps protect the brain from aging. So now we have two independent researchers arriving at almost the same conclusion. However, scientists believe more studies have to be made. You’d agree it’s something to think about. I’ve been spending an hour each day solving puzzles since it’s been said that this exercises the left and right sides of our brains. But it seems that we can do more to improve our minds and general well-being. For now, let’s focus on one type – mindfulness meditation. Here are its benefits you may not be aware of. Meditation decreases activity in the area of the brain responsible for mind-wandering. This is according to a study at Yale University. A wandering mind is often an unhappy mind. Meditation increases focus on the here and now. Meditation is as good as antidepressants, according to Madhav Goyal of Johns Hopkins. It’s not a cure for depression, but it can help people cope with symptoms. A few minutes of meditation each day can reduce anxiety and relieve stress. Meditation improves memory. People who meditate are less impulsive and are more in control of their emotions. This leads to healthier personal and professional relationships. Meditation can lower blood pressure. Types of Meditation There are other kinds of meditation aside from mindfulness. We’ll just briefly go over each and maybe you’ll be interested in one should you give meditation a try. Spiritual. Connect through prayer and in silence with your God or whatever you call a higher being or power. With Religions like Hinduism and Christianity, essential oils are burned as incense. Zen Meditation. This is part of Buddhism, but the movies associate it with martial arts. Shaolin monks fighting evil is a common theme. This type can be considered spiritual too. One of the aims of Zen meditation is to experience an awakening of the mind. Body Scan. The main focus of this type is our physical bodies. The aim is to relax every part from head to toe to relieve tension. This could be done while sitting in a quiet and comfortable room. Mantra Meditation. This is another type popularized by movies or television. Monks in a mountain monastery chanting “Om” is a familiar scene depicted in many films. Chants may differ, but the goal is to be one with your environment. Compassion Meditation. It’s also known as loving-kindness. Sensing and sending love while in meditation is this type’s goal. Practitioners learn to love themselves and everyone. Transcendental Meditation. Commonly associated with out-of-body experiences, the aim is to rise above one’s being. It can also be spiritual and a mantra can be chanted. Meditation is not for everyone. But, think of the benefits. Thankfully, there are several videos of short meditation exercises on YouTube. You should give it a try just to satisfy your curiosity. Who knows, it might work for you.

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My Holland

Introverts Can Be Excellent Leaders

Be the Boss Who Listens More

Why You Should Give Meditation a Second Look

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