Emotional Intelligence Archives - Page 5 of 26

There’s a Better Way to Give Negative Feedback

It’s tough telling people they did wrong. It’s harder when they aren’t doing enough. We hope we’ll get our point across but wonder how to soften the blow. Sometimes, giving it straight is the right way. Other times, you have to take the longer route. It depends on who you’re speaking to. Leaders call their employees to offer constructive feedback. The problem is it doesn’t sound that way often. The conversation turns into an argument, with both parties feeling angry and disappointed. It can get personal too. As the title suggests, there’s a better way. Or, if I may, there are other better ways. But, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. So, let me explain the process. Practice Empathy. If you’re giving feedback, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. No two individuals are alike. Some people are receptive, while others are defensive. If you like preparing notes before your conversation, choose your words carefully. But never sugarcoat. Remember, you’re trying to get your point across. It might get lost in all that sugar. Begin with a compliment. What is the other person doing right? There is always something worth mentioning but, be specific. Oh, and don’t forget the small stuff because they add up. Praising encourages more good work. Some leaders try to butter up the person across them before giving negative comments. I suggest you avoid flattery because it will fail. Address the deed and not the doer. Learn to separate the two. There’s a big difference between “You’re wrong” and “What you did was wrong.” Make sure you focus on the latter. Make this clear to the other person. Also, a good approach is to talk about the adverse effects of a person’s actions. Many people will insist what they’re doing is right. If they realize their actions cause harm, they’ll be more receptive to what you’re saying. Take time to listen. Now it’s time to listen to the other person’s side. You might discover parts of the story you didn’t know. A full grasp of the situation from the other person’s perspective can make a difference. Listening tells others you’re fair. You won’t pass judgment until you hear all sides. Instead of clamming up, people will be more open to having this “talk” with you. In time, you’ll create an atmosphere responsive to feedback. Find solutions together. This is the most crucial part of the process. How can you affect change or solve a problem? Well, maybe the answer can come from the person you’re talking to. So, it would help if you asked for ideas or solutions. You can agree on the steps to take, which the other person can commit to. When you ask people to participate, your talk becomes productive. Don’t forget to express your support. With enough practice, you’ll develop your style of giving negative feedback. Adopt an approach that focuses on the other person’s improvement and success. Keep in mind that it’s always about their welfare.

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Introverts Can Be Excellent Leaders

Emotional Intelligence, Positive Psychology / My Holland

When we think of leaders, we picture them as outgoing, charming, and friendly. But did you know that introverts can be excellent leaders? Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk are a few examples. I’ll bet you thought these world-renowned individuals were not. Try searching the web for the top qualities of great leaders. You’ll find trustworthiness, integrity, and empathy, among others. I haven’t seen a list that included charismatic or extroverted, though these may get politicians the votes to win an election. But, there’s no guarantee they’ll perform well as leaders. So, why we think introverts can become great leaders? Here are some facts about them you might not be aware of: They’re not shy. We often assume introverts are shy but, most of them aren’t. They spend time deep in thought, so they sometimes avoid others. But they aren’t uncomfortable when they’re in a crowd. Maybe they choose to be quiet. They’re not detached. Yes, introverts can be loners. Albert Einstein was considered one. He loved his solitude and spent much time in silent reflection. Einstein had a family, so he wasn’t living alone. Being a loner isn’t necessarily bad. It doesn’t mean aloofness. Humans are social beings, but we need that time alone to recharge. Everybody needs that break away from everything. They’re secure people. Both extroverts and introverts can be insecure. Are you familiar with Johnny Carson? He is known as the “King of Late Night.” He exuded confidence and poise on television. But later on, he admitted he had insecurities in an interview. Introverts can have high self-esteem. People think they’re silent because they lack self-confidence. They’re not indecisive. You can say this about extroverts too. Introverts spend time weighing all options before making a decision. They don’t decide on impulse. Where would Microsoft or Facebook be now if Gates or Zuckerberg were indecisive? These companies wouldn’t be at the top. They are intelligent. It’s a mistake to assume talkative people are smart. Many think introverts are quiet because they have nothing to share. But sometimes, the people who talk more are those who know the least about a subject. Next time you’re in a discussion, ask the quiet ones for their opinions. You’ll be surprised to discover they’re brighter than others. They aren’t afraid of speaking before a crowd. Some of the best public speakers are introverts and they spend enough time preparing their speeches. President Obama and Mahatma Gandhi are great examples. Conversely, I’ve seen extroverts freeze onstage. It’s the fear of being judged that can cause stage fright. All share that. So, when you meet an introvert, don’t stereotype. On the flip side, if you’re an introvert, keep your chin up. You’re in good company! I am an introvert and you?

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Be the Boss Who Listens More

Awareness, Emotional Intelligence, Leadership, Workplace Culture / My Holland

I’m sure you’ve been in situations where your boss talked endlessly, not giving you space to ask questions or offer suggestions. A supposed dialogue usually turned out to be a monologue. Maybe, you’re also unaware you’ve monopolized conversations with others. Instead of having a chat, you might be giving a speech. Do you ever notice this happening? If you believe you are often loquacious, you can temper the habit by understanding why. These are the reasons why people talk too much. They’re obsessive. They want to cover every small detail and micromanage everything. Some leaders want to re-affirm they’re in charge. They’re unaware that they talk too much. Nobody has called their attention to their verboseness. They’re aware, but they get carried away. They forget to press their internal pause button. They’re vain and believe they know all the answers. They’re unprepared and often say anything that comes to mind. You might have your own reasons why you tend to over-communicate. Leaders with high emotional intelligence have enough courage to admit their flaws and shortcomings. Once aware, they immediately correct themselves. However, it doesn’t end with talking less. It continues by listening more. Some claim that listening is a lost art. The digital age has changed behavior, including our ability to listen. According to Statista, time spent on social media increased every year. The worldwide average in 2019 is 2 hours and 24 minutes. Does this mean we are better listeners? The answer is no. Social media has given everyone a voice, but it made us talk more and listen less. It’s time to bring back two-way communication. Your success as a leader depends on how well you listen to your colleagues. Bosses who fail to listen often find themselves out the door. No one, including you, is expected to know everything. When you encourage feedback, you gain new ideas and valuable insight. “When you talk, you are only repeating what you know; but when you listen, you learn something new.” – The Dalai Lama Get into the habit of listening. It’s going to take a lot of effort if you wish to become a better listener. It’s bad enough to only retain 50% of what was said right after we hear it. This is compounded by what many call internal noise. We may be listening, but our attention isn’t 100% because our minds are focused on other things. This happens to everyone. However, with enough determination and by adopting the tips below, you can improve your listening skills. Shut out all distractions. When you are in a meeting or talking with just one person, pocket your smartphone or close your laptop’s lid. If you’re writing, put your pen down. Clear your mind and focus on the person who is talking. You might say this is easier said than done. Honestly, all it takes is a conscious effort to be attentive. Assign time for meetings. Dedicate the exact hour of the day when you need to talk to your colleagues or subordinates. Prepare what topics need to be discussed. Scheduling also means picking a convenient time for your employees. They may be busy too with their own responsibilities. Ask for comments. The best way is to address each person attending your meeting when asking for feedback. This will show you value their input. Make sure you’re taking notes of what they’re saying. Be mindful of others’ gestures. The body language of people speaks more than what they say. Remind yourself when it’s your turn to listen. When someone’s talking, tell yourself to listen. Remember, you’re surrounded by employees who may know better than you. Smart bosses recognize that two-way communication contributes to the success of an organization. They’re aware they don’t have a monopoly on the best ideas. Above all, they talk, listen, learn and reflect. When you do the same, you’re on your way to becoming a better boss.

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Emotional Intelligence

There’s a Better Way to Give Negative Feedback

Introverts Can Be Excellent Leaders

Be the Boss Who Listens More

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