Mindfulness

Why Isn’t Everybody Smiling?

  When the whole world gets a kick out of seeing people smile … when even medical experts say it takes less muscles to smile than to frown … it’s sort of weird to know that some cultures actually frown on smiling. You know what they say … truth is stranger than fiction. And it’s true. Some societies do not encourage casual smiles. In Russia, it is said there is an old proverb that translates into something like “Smiling or laughing for no reason is a sign of stupidity.” And, this cuts both ways. When these people come visiting to the U.S., they would most often think it odd to be smiled at by total strangers. The Big Question : Why? A recent report by Kuba Krys, a psychologist at the Academy of Sciences in Poland provides some answers. His paper says that in some countries, smiling is not perceived to be a sign of warmth or even respect. It is seen to be a sign that you’re a fool, a fool out to trick people. Krys focused on a cultural phenomenon known as “Uncertainty Avoidance”. Countries which generally rate low on this scale would have their social systems (i.e. social security, health care system, safety nets, etc.) unstable and shaky. Ergo, people would view their future as being unpredictable and erratic with very little control. So, when you come right down to it, smiling being a sign of certainty and confidence, people who would smile in these places with lowly-rated Uncertainty Avoidance would look odd. After all, why would you be smiling when your future looks like an invisible vulture waiting to eat you up? You might, in fact, under these circumstances be seen as a fool or stupid for smiling. They Don’t Smile In Corrupt Countries Either  This expert psychologist went on to hypothesise that in corrupt countries, smiling would also be frowned upon. When everybody’s trying to fool you into a scam or pull one over one another, you’d never know if a person’s smiling because he’s got good intentions or because he’s trying to fool you. Testing The Theory To validate his theory, Krys had thousands of people in 44 countries judge a series of 8 smiling and non-smiling faces on a scale of honesty and intelligence. He then compared the answers against the country’s rankings on Uncertainty Avoidance for a study of 62 societies and ratings of corruption. What he found was that in countries like Switzerland, Germany, China and Malaysia, the smiling faces were rated as significantly more intelligent than those people who were non-smiling. On the other hand, in Japan, South Korea, India and Russia, the smiling faces were perceived as being significantly less intelligent. So What Does This Tell Us? It would seem that there is a strong correlation between how unpredictable a society is and the tendency to consider smiling as unintelligent. But let’s face it, at the end of the day … what have you got to lose by smiling. Smile and the whole world smiles with you!

Why Isn’t Everybody Smiling? Read More »

Biaises and mindfulness. How’s Your Social IQ?

There was a time during the pre-historic age when life was plain and simple. You wake up. Hunt for food. Cook (sometimes not), eat, sleep and go through the whole routine all over again the next day. When your spouse and the kids complain about the food. No fuss. You just stop them with your stone club. End of discussion. Today, it’s a bit complicated. You wake up, you worry. You buy and cook food, you worry. You eat, you worry. You sleep, you worry. And then you try to go through the whole routine the next day but you can’t. You’ve gone bonkers! Between striving to lead a reasonably comfortable life, pursuing a successful professional career and chasing that proverbial rainbow of happiness stands an ugly pitcher throwing curve balls at you morning, noon and night. How do you go about squarely facing something like that? Social Intelligence. How To Heighten It. Roughly, social intelligence is about our ability to manage our emotions, listen to others with an open mind, inspire our fellow humans and colleagues, express ourselves with confidence and a whole lot more that helps us to become a better person rather than a psychopath. So, it’s essential to get this social IQ to a high level. It’ll improve our sense of well being and strengthen our attention span. In short it’ll help us to improve our lives significantly. So … Learn About Mindfulness To Bring Our Social IQ Up There. As research about mindfulness is widespread, it has been shown to work wonders on that part of our brain which regulates and controls our emotions. How that works in real life is that it enables us to tone down our biases. Usually, we face life and our world through bias of a mindset. If we’re a finance guy, for instance, we’re into dollars and cents. If we’re in love, we look for a rewarding reciprocation. A sales person? It’s that hunt for a deal or signing of a sales contract. Nothing wrong with relying on these “biases” in order to analyze and solve problems but not being aware of doing so can sometimes blind us to a wider and richer range of social goings-on that may be unfolding in our midst. Mindfulness helps us to notice and appreciate the bigger picture that crops up when we look beyond our biases. Practice Meditating. Sit Still For 15 Minutes And Meditate. Learn to become aware of our “biases”. You can do this by meditating and letting go of your thoughts. Try achieving a state of thoughtlessness. It’s fundamental to developing a mindfulness discipline. Over time, with practice, this technique can expand powerfully into our everyday life, enhancing our ability to “de-bias” and in turn, focus our “unbiased attention to what’s going on around us, manage our emotions better and help us see the world as something good and wonderful. So, raise your social IQ! It can’t hurt you any.

Biaises and mindfulness. How’s Your Social IQ? Read More »

Feedback: Is It Good Or Bad?

You’ll be amazed at how many people are averse to getting a feedback after their presentation or a lecture delivered in front of a group of attendees. The smart ones, of course will take whatever feedback or review they can get. They know it will help improve the effectiveness of whatever it is they’d want to impart in their future presentations. The thing with good, old fashioned feedback is that it’s typically associated with something negative. Most persons would perceive it as a criticism, something painful. It’s seen as something that says “You didn’t perform well enough.” Or worse, “You weren’t good enough.” And yet, the whole purpose of a feedback is precisely to provide some personal reflection on how you fared with your presentation and to create an opportunity for some self-improvement. Heck, some feedback can pretty well say “That was a terrific presentation,” period. So, wouldn’t that help you see the good side of an honest feedback? In any case, with many of us still associating stigma with feedback, it should help to use our social intelligence to bring about a more positive and useful perspective from any kind of feedback. Here are some realities about feedback that’ll help us to understand its dynamics and expunge its negative implications: People put more importance on feedback when it comes from individuals they know, a colleague at work, a peer or a boss. The operative phrase here is “mutual respect.” When a feedback comes from someone “like us” or a friend who respects us rather than a foe, it becomes easier to accept the feedback whether it’s good or bad. When the feedback is about the process or content and not the person, the pill is usually easier to swallow. Doing this will have the recipient see the feedback not as a personal attack and therefore not react in an emotional way, in anger or defensive behavior. The last thing you’d like to happen is to create resentment or a grudge in the other person. The person giving a feedback should be empathetic. Be aware of the other guy’s mood and demeanor. The poor man may be going through bad times (financial troubles, death in the family, etc) and telling him his performance isn’t as good as it could be, could cause his confidence to go further downward. Put some focus on the future. Generally when giving feedback we’re so much into what happened in the past. Envisioning how things could be positively different in the future could provide the push for a favorable change. These are some guides that should help in giving more encouraging feed back to your team members. Remember though to give them a big pat on the back as well when they’re doing a great job. It’s easy picking someone for poor performance but give credit where and when it’s due. It makes everybody feel good when given the chance to rise above others and shine.

Feedback: Is It Good Or Bad? Read More »

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