My Holland

This year I will…

January is here and almost over…and it is often the same old story. We use the time between Christmas and New Year, or as it’s sometimes called ‘inbetweenmas,’ to reflect on the year gone by and make resolutions for the year ahead. The first two weeks of the year start well, you don’t touch a single cigarette or you hit the gym every night, but by February you are flagging and you start to feel disheartened. In fact, the third Monday of January is known as the most ‘depressing’ day of the year or ‘Blue Monday. ’ One of the reasons is that most resolutions have failed by this point. According to the researcher John Norcross, in the Journal of Clinical Psychology, approximately 50 percent of the population makes resolutions each New Year. The most popular include weight loss and exercise, reducing debt and stopping smoking. Social Psychologist and Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy say these resolutions could be doing us more harm than good. She says that when we set ourselves up to fail, we experience a negative backlash to our self-worth. The key is not in ‘willing’ ourselves to change but in setting positive habit changes in our lives. While motivation will get us started in our quest for change, it is routine that will keep us going. Resolutions are often made when people want to motivate themselves, but in reality, many of us do not know how to change our bad habits. So, how can we make resolutions and promises to ourselves, in January, or at any time of the year that we can stick to successfully? Here are a few suggestions: Happiness expert Shawn Achor says the key to success in achieving our goals is our mindset. When we reflect on the past year in a negative way, we are more likely to fail in sticking to resolutions in the year ahead. A positive state of mind releases neurochemicals (such as dopamine) that allow your brain to perceive greater possibilities. Use positive language when setting out your goals. Rather than saying ‘I will stop eating all that junk food’ try switching it to ‘I will eat five portions a day of nutritious fruit and vegetables.’ Just using more positive vocabulary focuses your energies in a positive way. Be true to yourself and always align your goals with your core beliefs. You are more likely to achieve success, if you take the time to examine and realise what it is you want the most. Set goals that are realistic. The way to do this is to make them specific and measurable. Start small! Rather than jotting down your general aims for the year, specify your plan of action in more detail and not only what you want to achieve but how you intend to do it. Seek support in reaching your goals by telling your friends and family about them. This way they can help keep you accountable along your journey. It might also be worth joining an online forum or community group of like-minded people with whom you can share your progress. Inevitably, there will be times when you fall off the wagon. Don’t beat yourself up about those times. Remember how you felt when you first made that resolution and why you made it. The longer you can make small yet significant changes to your life, the more likely these are to become habit and routine … and result in success. Happy New Year and good luck!

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Buying TRUE Happiness for Christmas…yes, it’s possible! Tips for a sustainable Xmas with no stress

The festive holidays can be a complicated time of year. On the one hand, we know that it is a special time of year to spend with loved ones and extend kindness. On the other hand, we are bombarded with emails and adverts trying to get us to part with our money, while stressed out people try to search for the ‘perfect’ gifts. It can all get a bit much! The Beatles once taught us that money can’t buy you love. In short, you can’t put a price on happiness. So perhaps it is about time we all stopped worrying about how full the Christmas stocking is and focus on those moments that truly make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. So what exactly are those moments? Research from Cornell University (Gilovich, 2014) has shown that people are happier when money is spent on ‘experience’ gifts (such as a show, holiday or meal out), rather than a material gift (such as games console or clothing). This means that the recipient can share the experience with the buyer, strengthening relationships and creating meaningful memories. It really is a win-win situation. Here are just a few suggestions to help you think about Christmas this year, minus the shopping stress: Consider “buying” moments for a loved one. Suggestions include a night away, a meal, a concert or trip to the cinema. Try to leave all of your other commitments to one side and dedicate the time to the person you are gifting, for example clear you diary and switch off your phone! Rather than buying Secret Santa gifts for a group of friends or colleagues, make a date together to enjoy the festive celebrations in each other’s company – a party or a meal and drinks out, for example. There is lots of evidence to show that developing and deepening social bonds, rather than spending money on presents, are the key to happiness and cultivating relationships. Forget your ‘wish list.’ Materialistic people are less happy than their peers and seem to constantly search for the next ‘thing’ that will make them happy. Instead, let your friends and family know that all you want for Christmas is their time. Use the Christmas holidays to express your gratitude. Take some time out of your hectic schedule and jot some notes down in a gratitude journal, or better still, use your time with friends and family to tell them what they mean to you (or if you’re better at expressing emotion through words, write a heartfelt note in a card). This Christmas you need not be up to your eyeballs in wrapping paper. You canswap the time you spend frustrated in queues at the shops, for quality time with the people who matter to you. That sounds like genuine Christmas cheer!

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Letting go… a step towards happiness – Why?

Why do we need to let go? Letting go of things that no longer serve us – attachments that keep us stuck – is a healthy practise, if we want to live fulfilling lives.  Whether we’re hanging on to an idea, an object, a situation or a feeling that isn’t really working, we can benefit from letting it go to make room for something better, healthier or more loving to come into our lives. There may be a sense of loss and grief at first, but ultimately, we feel a sense of relief, lightness and growth. No longer held back by outdated thoughts or useless junk, we can really use our time and energy for what DOES work in our lives. It gives us the space to do what really needs doing and to follow our true dreams.

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